Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Crack cocaine
Who doesn't like Jon Secada? That song "Just Another Day" is embarrassing to like, but as addictive as crack cocaine. Speaking of crack, I was offered some the other night at work. This isn't such a big deal, cause who hasn't been offered hard drugs at some point or another? The reason it's funny and noteworthy is the context in which it was offered to me, and by whom. I was standing in the office behind the bar, talking to the baby-faced Ecuadorian barback, Felipe, about plans for later. "What are you doing after work?" he asked.
"I don't know," I replied grouchily. "Drugs, probably."
I was half-kidding. I had had a really bad day, eaten a terrible piece of pizza, and had been further depressed by talking to three friends who were more depressed than I was.
"You like drugs?!" he exclaimed, looking half-shocked and half-offended.
I instantly felt guilty for replying to his question in such a non-PG-rated way. This is a man who makes himself Shirley Temples on a regular basis, drinks light beer, and has the voice and demeanor of a seven-year old girl. He's also a 27-year-old virgin. I tried to backpedal.
"I mean, not really. I was kidding. I'm just in a really bad mood and I don't want to be here-"
He cut me off: "Cause I like drugs!! What kind of drugs do you like?"
I was taken aback, but answered, "Well, I don't really do drugs so often actually. Not hard stuff. And I'm not much of a cocaine person. I actually try to be pretty healthy, in spite of the fact that I'm drunk most of the time."
A huge grin spread across his impish face. "You know what kind of drug I like? I like CRACK. It is so good!"
I said, "Really? I've never tried crack."
He said, "Oh, you have to try it. You should come over to my apartment sometime and I'll give you some. You just take some baking soda and some cocaine and you cook it and then you smoke it! It's the best!" I thanked him for his kind offer but refused. "That sounds great, but I think I'll pass. I'm not cool enough to try crack."
Unfazed, he skipped back out behind the bar and poured himself a large glass of pineapple juice, which he garnished with two cherries.
My life lately has been so up-and-down. I like consistently bad or consistently good, not one awesome day followed by a bleak and soul-numbing one. I'm still not over the ex. I've been meeting the craziest women ever, everywhere. Why is everyone so needy? It sucks. Like, just because we had two drinks together doesn't mean I want to be your wife. This one girl bombarded me with calls, texts, and emails, and who developed the unfortunate habit of waiting outside my apartment building for me to come out. When I confronted her about it, she got defensive and said, " Are you kidding me? You're gonna go to the POLICE? Listen: I'm gonna get drunk and I'm gonna call you and text you over and over and try to see you and that's just how it's gonna be, so DEAL with it."
She eventually stopped, but the whole thing was scary. And unpleasant. Annoying, mostly. I applied for a job today to work with a college professor who insisted that applicants be "gay-friendly," but when he learned that I was a lesbian, he told me it wasn't going to work. I asked, "Why?" and he was evasive, and then I realized that by "gay-friendly" he probably meant that he was looking for a gay boy to take care of both his professional and personal needs.
"I don't know," I replied grouchily. "Drugs, probably."
I was half-kidding. I had had a really bad day, eaten a terrible piece of pizza, and had been further depressed by talking to three friends who were more depressed than I was.
"You like drugs?!" he exclaimed, looking half-shocked and half-offended.
I instantly felt guilty for replying to his question in such a non-PG-rated way. This is a man who makes himself Shirley Temples on a regular basis, drinks light beer, and has the voice and demeanor of a seven-year old girl. He's also a 27-year-old virgin. I tried to backpedal.
"I mean, not really. I was kidding. I'm just in a really bad mood and I don't want to be here-"
He cut me off: "Cause I like drugs!! What kind of drugs do you like?"
I was taken aback, but answered, "Well, I don't really do drugs so often actually. Not hard stuff. And I'm not much of a cocaine person. I actually try to be pretty healthy, in spite of the fact that I'm drunk most of the time."
A huge grin spread across his impish face. "You know what kind of drug I like? I like CRACK. It is so good!"
I said, "Really? I've never tried crack."
He said, "Oh, you have to try it. You should come over to my apartment sometime and I'll give you some. You just take some baking soda and some cocaine and you cook it and then you smoke it! It's the best!" I thanked him for his kind offer but refused. "That sounds great, but I think I'll pass. I'm not cool enough to try crack."
Unfazed, he skipped back out behind the bar and poured himself a large glass of pineapple juice, which he garnished with two cherries.
My life lately has been so up-and-down. I like consistently bad or consistently good, not one awesome day followed by a bleak and soul-numbing one. I'm still not over the ex. I've been meeting the craziest women ever, everywhere. Why is everyone so needy? It sucks. Like, just because we had two drinks together doesn't mean I want to be your wife. This one girl bombarded me with calls, texts, and emails, and who developed the unfortunate habit of waiting outside my apartment building for me to come out. When I confronted her about it, she got defensive and said, " Are you kidding me? You're gonna go to the POLICE? Listen: I'm gonna get drunk and I'm gonna call you and text you over and over and try to see you and that's just how it's gonna be, so DEAL with it."
She eventually stopped, but the whole thing was scary. And unpleasant. Annoying, mostly. I applied for a job today to work with a college professor who insisted that applicants be "gay-friendly," but when he learned that I was a lesbian, he told me it wasn't going to work. I asked, "Why?" and he was evasive, and then I realized that by "gay-friendly" he probably meant that he was looking for a gay boy to take care of both his professional and personal needs.
