wine and cheap perfume

I just got back from what felt like the longest day of work, ever. I was trapped behind the bar for six hours, alone, with a single douchebag named "Leo" drinking Bud. He kept on pretending to fix things in the bar, in what was an embarrassing and transparent ploy to score free drinks. He'd be like, "there's a napkin on the floor. don't worry- I'll get it!" At one point he went to the bathroom and came back with four bathroom tiles in the palm of his outstretched hand. He was all, "I found these in the bathroom. They were just laying there. If you want me to put down some grout and re-install them, I'm willing!" I was like, dude- first of all, of course they were just laying there. That's what bathroom tiles are supposed to do. Second, it's clear that you just dug them out of the floor, and third, leave me alone and I'll give you a free beer, damnit. He informed me that he knew "just about everyone in the music industry," and then claimed to be particularly close with the following roster of people: "P Diddy, Puff Daddy, and Snoop Doggy Dog." I was all, "yeah, except the first two you just listed are the same person." Leo looked kind of flustered and paused for a second and then goes, "Uh-yeah. That's my point." Finally he left, and then the Wiz stopped by to complain about our parents. Arnold and I had a nice chat, and then Jason and I had dinner at Schillers, where I ate some of the best vegetables ever. We stopped by my new place on my way back to Melissa's, and found that although there is now a stove and a refrigerator in the apartment, they were sitting in the middle of the living room, uninstalled and being guarded by the largest roach I've ever laid eyes on.