Tuesday, July 05, 2005
Big Boiz
Since the first of July, the following things have happened:
1. I learned that an Alabama Slammer (or 'Slamma,' to those who tend to embarrass themselves) is outrageously delicious.
2. I went to Jones Beach two days in a row and left with large quantities of sand in my hair, bag, and vagina. While there, Emlyn, Nicole and myself all compared nipples as a large herd of hairy Croatian men looked on approvingly. We discovered that they were all basically the same size (our nipples, not the Croatians).
3. I watched a stout blonde toddler named Lars announce to his mother that he was going to be a superstar! He then promptly broke his beach chair and got stuck in it. He had b-cup breasts and was a five-year old boy.
5. Also at the beach, Emlyn and I joyously joined a latin drumming circle, clapping our hands like grade-a dorks only to realize suddenly that people were all staring at us and chanting for us to get in the middle of the circle and start dancing for them. We ran away in horror.
6. I offered some chocolate to a fifty-year old elevator repairman at the bar, who refused it, claiming his "pores were already large enough" as it was.
7. I dragged a couch off the street and into my apartment. Actually, McGuiness did it. I paid him $80 to drag a large, stained, denim (yes, I said denim) couch off the street, and into my home.
9. I slept through almost all of the 4th, only to finally haul ass to Dave's BBQ, where I ate cold meat and drank warm domestic beer.
10. I watched the fireworks on my roof with Emlyn and Annie. We drank four-dollar Sangria that tasted like a combination of Kool-Aid and piss. Emlyn told us that she had been bitten by a monkey when she was in Bali. On that same trip, a different monkey stole a bag of nuts from her and ate them.
11. On our daily walk today, Ved told me that when he gets drunk, he "wants sex." He also told me that he thinks I'm "a good girl from a good family who likes flirting with the underworld."
And that's what's happened, more or less.
1. I learned that an Alabama Slammer (or 'Slamma,' to those who tend to embarrass themselves) is outrageously delicious.
2. I went to Jones Beach two days in a row and left with large quantities of sand in my hair, bag, and vagina. While there, Emlyn, Nicole and myself all compared nipples as a large herd of hairy Croatian men looked on approvingly. We discovered that they were all basically the same size (our nipples, not the Croatians).
3. I watched a stout blonde toddler named Lars announce to his mother that he was going to be a superstar! He then promptly broke his beach chair and got stuck in it. He had b-cup breasts and was a five-year old boy.
5. Also at the beach, Emlyn and I joyously joined a latin drumming circle, clapping our hands like grade-a dorks only to realize suddenly that people were all staring at us and chanting for us to get in the middle of the circle and start dancing for them. We ran away in horror.
6. I offered some chocolate to a fifty-year old elevator repairman at the bar, who refused it, claiming his "pores were already large enough" as it was.
7. I dragged a couch off the street and into my apartment. Actually, McGuiness did it. I paid him $80 to drag a large, stained, denim (yes, I said denim) couch off the street, and into my home.
9. I slept through almost all of the 4th, only to finally haul ass to Dave's BBQ, where I ate cold meat and drank warm domestic beer.
10. I watched the fireworks on my roof with Emlyn and Annie. We drank four-dollar Sangria that tasted like a combination of Kool-Aid and piss. Emlyn told us that she had been bitten by a monkey when she was in Bali. On that same trip, a different monkey stole a bag of nuts from her and ate them.
11. On our daily walk today, Ved told me that when he gets drunk, he "wants sex." He also told me that he thinks I'm "a good girl from a good family who likes flirting with the underworld."
And that's what's happened, more or less.
# posted by Katie @ 4:59 PM 
