wine and cheap perfume

Last night, Annie got drunk and angry because I said I would go around with her as she looked for a new job, and didn't. She confronted me in front of the firestation and got so mad that she kicked open a giant trash bag which exploded all over the block. Some of the garbage even made its way past the firefighters and into the firehouse. Then she tore down the street as one of the firemen hollered: "Asshole! Come back and clean this up!"
I told them to let her go, and offered to clean it up myself. They wouldn't let me. I think they felt sorry for me because they could tell I had been crying and I was wearing a really dorky scarf. I met up with Nicole at Mama's to eat dinner and discuss, and at the end she suggested I bring Annie some mac and cheese. In all seriousness, I shook my head and said, "No, I can't do that. She'll throw it at me." The scary thing is that I meant it.
When I got home, Annie and I got in a screaming match to end all screaming matches, and she threw me on the couch and started choking me, and I kicked her, hard, to get her off, sort of cracking one of her ribs in the process. I then decided it was time to start furiously eating a dairy-free fudgesicle, which she ripped out of my hands and mashed into my hair. My face is so swollen from crying I look like an albino Asian, and I mean that in the least derogatory sense of the word. Basically, Annie tried to break up with me, claiming she couldn't take the fact that I had "boyfriends all over town." I have zero boyfriends. I do, however, have one alternately abusive (it's official now) and amazing girlfriend who drives me crazy and mashes frozen sweets against my head when I piss her off. I still have dried fudge in my hair, which is funny because I just came from an interview at Paper magazine. I tied my hair back and prayed to God the person interviewing me wouldn't notice the large clumps of chocolate nestled against my scalp. It went pretty well, all things considered.