wine and cheap perfume

As I grow older, I'm finding it harder and harder to make new friends. It seems like everyone always assumes you have an alterior motive, or they're not interested in meeting new people. The other day I came up the stairs to the second floor and found my neighbor painting her new apartment. We always say hi to each other, but had yet to have an actual conversation. We started talking about her new place (she was moving from the apartment directly next door) and she asked me, "Do you know anyone who's trying to sell or get rid of a couch?"
My friend Jason has been complaining for a while about a couch that he doesn't want, so I told her, "Yes."
We then moved on from the topic of the couch and onto other things, like how we're both bartenders, we know a lot of the same people, etc. etc. Finally I turned to leave, happy that it seemed I might be in the process of making a new friend, when she exclaimed, "Wait! Let me give you my phone number!"
I thought, "YAY! SHE, TOO, WANTS TO BE FRIENDS!"
I shouted, "Sure!! It would be so good to have a friend in the building! We can get drinks sometime, or Annie and I can have you over for dinner!"
There was an awkward pause and she stared nervously at the floor for a second before speaking.
"Well, yeah," she began. "But I was kind of just interested in that couch you mentioned."
I was so embarrassed and felt obligated to somehow save face (which in a situation like this is nearly impossible), so I replied haughtily, "Yeah, well. I was too. I mean, yeah. Me too. I'll talk to my friend about his couch. When I get the chance."
Then I sauntered away like a blithering dork, just then noticing the large, sprawling patches of smegma (sp?) that my dog's penis artfully decorates my coat with each time I carry him up and down the stairs.
On another note, I made the mistake of taking a shower earlier and leaving a topless bottle of soy sauce on the dining table. When I came out of the bathroom with a towel on my head, so fresh and so clean, I took one look at my dog and immediately started gagging because I was convinced he had somehow managed to shit on his own head. My snow-white dog suddenly had a patchy dark brown face, and then I saw the upturned bottle of soy lying on the floor almost completely empty. I've been scrubbing his little head with a savage ferocity for about an hour, and it's still brown, and my entire apartment smells like a discount sushi restaurant.