wine and cheap perfume

Sometimes, when I'm feeling extra dykey and my hair is acting extra Jewish, I put it back and then wear the hood of my sweatshirt up over my head. Tonight, on a leisurely walk with Louis, I stopped by the firehouse and talked to one of the firemen as he fed him a bone. Then the phone rang, so he disappeared into the back to get it. Just then, a mother and her young daughter strolled by. "Look!" exclaimed the mother, smiling at me and then the dog. "Look at that nice fireman's dog!" Her kid started petting Louis furiously, and he sat there, indifferent, as always.
"Hello," I said, assuming my voice would set her straight.
"Hello! Mercedes, say hi to the nice fireman who's letting you pet his dog!"
The little girl looked up at me and grinned. "Hello fireman!" she exclaimed enthusiastically.
"His name is Louis!" I informed her, raising my voice an octave to see if it would warrant any kind of a correction or response from the mother. Nothing. She simply looked me straight in the eye one last time, and smiled. It's good to know that a hay-like mane of matted blonde hair is all that keeps people from thinking that I am a dude.
Today I did a phone interview with 2XL, and it was amazing. "Royal" and "Laze" are 16 year old twin brothers whose debut album, "Neighborhood Rapstar," is coming out this spring on Tommy Boy Records. Scott Storch produced a track and they collaborated with E-40, both impressive feats considering that this is their first album and they were born in like 2001. I read all the interviews they had already done for other publications, and they were boring as fuck. All of their answered sounded canned, safe, well-rehearsed. After being instructed by the features editor to "ask them about things other than their music," I took it upon myself to ask them about everything BUT music. I assumed they'd be self-absorbed little assholes, cause most child stars are, but I was pleasantly surprised. What's more, they were seriously into the interview, which was good. They kept saying, "MAN, these are good questions. This shit is funny!"
Because I spent more time talking to them about Kobe Bryant, ping pong, John Mayer, the Olsen twins (whom they said they'd date "if the ladies brought their checkbooks"), stamp collections, being famous at the tender young age of zero, and what their mom thought of their song "Kitty Kat" (in which they made reference to the tissues they need after blowing their loads on groupies), I gathered that the interview proved to be more exciting than most. They were articulate, modest, and good-humored. I love them. The interview was only supposed to be 20 to 30 minutes, but it ran closer to an hour. Basically, we're bff. I won't be blogging anymore, cause I'm going on tour with them, where I will subsist for months on their sloppy seconds. Cause I'm sure that screaming 16-yr. old Dominican girls want a piece of this nice fireman.